You will have to share your life story,

Over and over during the intake process,

And each staff member will say, “I’m sorry that happened to you.”

While turning a page on their clipboard.

Excerpt from Fieldguide For the Mental Hospital

She said it like a song.

She said it like it mattered.

She said my name

Like a prayer for breeze,

Answered, in the heat of July.

My body has aged

Changed.

Blue veins in that nameless place,

On the underside of the knee.

Tattoos as much a part of me as the skin itself.

Grey hairs

Despite a mostly unlined face.

But on the inside,

I still feel nineteen.

Nervous, unsure,

Wanting to be liked

To be safe.

Hopeful

Cheerful.

I want others to have fun

To feel heard.

I feel misunderstood

I feel lost.

And I feel

Stiff pain in my knees.

There are many memories laid to rest

But some linger.

I was nineteen.

How could you do that to me?

It may be sick

But sometimes, I satiate my rage

With the idea that

In a parallel universe

I just lit you on fire.

Survive,

Thrive,

Burn that motherfucker alive.